94 Years of Wisdom | Nerd Fitness

Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.

Let me inform you about this wonderful lady.

Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.

(No surprise I really like the music of ​Alan Doyle​ (and ​Great Big Sea​), it’s in my DNA!)

Gramma was a preschool instructor for 22 years and has been an lively member in her group for her complete life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Growing old. She usually drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the outdated individuals” (as she known as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!

Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my telephone, usually distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I feel having recognized her my complete life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has all the time been right here, and Gramma will all the time be right here.”

Luckily, I stumbled upon an historical Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.

Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会

There’s an idea courting again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:

This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”

It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how usually we do one thing or see someone, it’s the solely time that it’ll really occur this fashion, in this second.

This idea can remind us to be extra current.

• As a substitute of checking our telephones, we are able to concentrate on the individual or process in entrance of us.
• As a substitute of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we could be right here now.
• As a substitute of going by way of the motions, we generally is a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.

I’ve mirrored so much on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (​see my essay about Wabi-Sabi​), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.

Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.

I finished worrying concerning the future or ruminating on the previous, put my telephone down, and simply sat along with her.

I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.

I requested her questions on her childhood. I discovered that she spent a couple of summers dwelling in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their dwelling together with his personal two arms. And the way a lot she liked it.

She instructed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and acquired caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.

I discovered extra about my grandfather. She even shared pictures of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:

She additionally discovered some pictures of me and her from method again within the day!

This one was my favourite:

I returned to Nashville final month, not sure when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.

It nonetheless felt completely different. I had related with Gramma extra deeply in a couple of visits than I most likely had previously 10 years mixed.

Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.

Gramma’s Group

Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.

And every day, a revolving door of visitors would present as much as verify on her:

Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her finest buddy. Her buddy Anne. Buddies from the Council of Growing old. Fellow quilters. Individuals from her church.

At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it became an absolute celebration.

I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.

If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped every part to come back and spend time along with her, swapping tales and conserving her firm.

Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an amazing humorousness too:

The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then instructed me concerning the time she “borrowed” a automobile, although she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.

Whereas speaking on the telephone along with her 94 yr outdated brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you outdated geezer?”

When the physician requested “are you feeling higher at the moment?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”

Spending time with Gramma and the entire individuals from completely different elements of her life felt like the absolute best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m continually moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.

This level was pushed additional dwelling by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…

Reside Intentionally

The hospital during which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his guide ​Walden​.

At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the bushes.

(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)

I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:

“I went to the woods as a result of I wanted to dwell intentionally, to entrance solely the important details of life, and see if I couldn’t study what it needed to train, and never, after I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”

Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most essential to him.

Gramma went the opposite course, prioritizing what’s most essential to her: household, pals, and group.

Two completely different eventualities, the identical finish consequence:

Selecting to dwell intentionally.

I don’t have plans on transferring into the woods and dwelling merely, however I do suppose I’ve executed my finest to dwell extra intentionally these previous few years.

Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most essential to me too: pals, household, and group.

All We’ve got to Determine…

Just a few years in the past, Gramma introduced my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.

“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I wish to give them to you now in order that we are able to get pleasure from this second collectively.”

She took the time to elucidate the that means behind every quilt and why they had been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, reasonably than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.

Once I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay ​about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away​. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means acquired to inform him simply how a lot I discovered from him earlier than he died.

For that purpose, I’m scripting this essay now to ensure she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).

(I acquired a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she liked it. Mission achieved!)

I actually hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again dwelling. In spite of everything, she instructed her buddy Laurie “I’m not executed but!”

However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.

As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:

“All we’ve to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”

I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to dwell extra intentionally:

• If you happen to’re keen to place your telephone down and be current with the individuals in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
• If you happen to’re keen to prioritize what’s truly essential as an alternative of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go incorrect with the alternatives you make.
• If yow will discover a option to concentrate on the essential individuals in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it once you’re 94.

And at last keep in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do at the moment, that is the one time this second will occur.

Act accordingly.

-Steve

PS: In order for you a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely suggest Wim Wenders’s ​Perfect Days​.